Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
