Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
