You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
