Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
