I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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