Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
