do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
