Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
