We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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