drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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