If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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