you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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