My sheets look like a crime scene.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
