It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
