just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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