so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
