She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
