some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
