i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
