he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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