If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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