I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
