he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
