how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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