You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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