Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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