1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
