OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
