bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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