how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
