Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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