She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So vagazzling was a success
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
