turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
