I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
