I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
