She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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