I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
