I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
