Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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