she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
