I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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