Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
