In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
