I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
