Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
