If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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