While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
