a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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