ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
