i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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