No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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