I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
